Let me begin by saying that I hate seeing couples personal lives or issues aired in public. Since the rise of social media is has become second nature it seems to have your arguments in front of the world, like a tacky as fuck opera. I don’t know how people can do it, I hate having a domestic, the last thing I want to do after one is go over in my head or in a written form. They are so hurtful, I think the more you love the harder you lash out, and I know the longer I stay calm the bigger my eruption is, when the calm rums out.
We had a domestic today, husband and I. It happens, we’re not perfect by any means… But it honestly doesn’t happen often. Maybe I would handle them better if they did, but I’m glad they don’t.
In the heat of the moment I saw a flash of temper that I used to have, but though I had lost somewhere. I didn’t like it, still don’t. I said things I know I didn’t mean. I wasn’t vindictive but there are some things you don’t just throw around. There are promises you don’t make if you can’t keep them and there are certain threats you shouldn’t make without thinking about the ripples you’ll create.
I made ripples.
I didn’t seem to have a stop or even pause button. I tried to break the porch window and I can’t explain why, not even to myself. I think I wanted to know he was listening to me, frustrated at explaining the same thing three times… I don’t know. I had momentary insanity.
Seeing today’s word prompt after the day I’ve had was… Suspicious and Serendipitous. So here is my link to the day, at the risk of looking like I’m making up dramas to fit in with the cool kids.
It was just an argument, based on family and home life that despite our unorthodox extra marital relationships and genuinely mentally unstable families had nothing to do with anyone but him and me….but at the time and for a few hours after it was all over, it really did feel to me like a major life crisis.
My mother, the one who lives in the Ymca and tells me every time we speak how many self harming, drunken, high, stealing, aggressive, violent junkies she’s surrounded by since living there (only so I’ll let her move back in here, I’m sure) suggested today that I let my fourteen year old daughter go over and visit on the bus. Now that would’ve been a real crisis!!!