To say it has been a strange couple of days is not nearly expressive enough. I haven’t posted, blogged, ranted, whined to the world, bored you senseless…. Whatever you call what I’m doing now for two days, but I intend to tell you about them now and you can decide what the descriptive for the weekend should be….
I did mention my girlfriend coming on Friday and that was clearly a good day. Not only because I got to have time with her, but because nothing dramatic, embarrassing, humiliating or downright shitty happened.
Friday night we were playing the online game we like with friends of ours. One of them (actually my girlfriends best friend from before we met), we’ll call him P, said what his plans were for Saturday. He had to drive pretty far from where he lives to not-so-far from me, so naturally without engaging my brain fully, even halfly, I jokingly pointed out he would only be an hour away and should swing by.
Of course he did.
The reason I hadn’t expected him to is because I knew he was with his close friend, L, who I had never met but had heard many, many things about.
Anyway skip to Saturday, we get the text asking for the postcode so we gave it, P knew we were going to be at my allotment so that’s where he was coming, which meant we needed to get a move on to get there. (I am often at my allotment, I love it there.. And I would talk about it more here if I wasn’t always so busy trying to make sense if my daily disasters!) For reasons out of my control it took us a little while to get going, and by the time we did, we found out that Husband was coming to meet P too. That on its own would’ve been absolutely fine… Nice even, but he didn’t come alone. He brought our two dogs and his girlfriend.
Much awkwardness followed, some very poor first impressions and more stress than I can begin to tell you. I couldn’t have scripted that whole fiasco worse if I had tried. Not joking.
First P and L leave then Husband and ensemble…. T (my girlfriend) and I stayed for a couple of hours. It was sunny and we had lounge chairs. Chatted to a few allotment neighbours, I was finally able to make them tea and coffee… A must have for an allotment and something I wasn’t able to do before. (only had a tool shed… Not a chill-shed)
Got over the stress from earlier, came home and everything was fine, nice. .. Calm. Then mother showed up. Oh how I wish I was joking. The main reason that T hasn’t been to see me for so long is because she is very angry with mothers madness and all the shit she’s caused recently. I let mum in and T put on music very loudly with noise cancelling headphones… I knew the best option was for her to be in her own world.
Mum was upset at first, in the porch she was upset, crying because she hates the Ymca. I know she does and I think she must know how hard it is for me to not go back on my decision. It’s almost as if the worse she becomes the more my heart wants me to give in, but my brain and everyone around me knows that would be so stupid. I’m doing what’s best for my family and for me as everything that follows will only prove even more!!! Even so it’s killing me and I would give anything for another way around this fucking mess. I digress.
She was upset at first. I asked her what was wrong from the look on her face…. I could see she was off it by the way, her face. She burst into tears about that place, the people there. .. The fighting and threats. I asked her if she had been threatened or in any way hurt, she says she hasn’t. I told her to come in. She was on the sofa near husband, she said hello to everyone…. Daughter wasn’t home at this point thankfully.
Mothers mood changed pretty suddenly, she was on her phone, but getting angry and aggressive…. With herself. Hitting herself in the leg and head because the phone wasn’t responding in whatever way she wanted it to, growling at herself names and insults. I tried to have a conversation with her, distract her, find out what was going on with her. She said when she arrived she had come to see if we would do some laundry for her. .. So I tried to talk to her about that but she was.. Absent from the real world I think.
Daughter came home but quickly went to our friends around the corner, within five minutes. While she was gone mum had decided to get a few of her things together. She asked, and asked if we wanted to keep an eye on her now that everyone is calling her a thief. She was trying to get a reaction, I know that. Oh she was looking for a fight, from moments after she came into the house. Almost everything she said to me for the hour or maybe two she was here was nasty, vindictive, petty, argumentative and intended to goad me. She must Hate me so much for not letting her stay here. Digressing again.
We told her we didn’t need to keep an eye on her, and she went upstairs to start getting a few things. We have a different definition that. Anyway, after a while of her being gone (we chatted about her behaviour downstairs while she was away and filled T in on the highlights because she was doing a good job of staying inside the music bubble) I came to offer her a hand with what she was carrying. I ended up sat on the toilet (lid down, pants up..) chatting to her while she continued to fill bag after bag of utter junk. I say chatting to her, what I mean is trying to understand what she was doing as she fired unpleasant comments at me. “that’s right you keep an eye on me”, “oh I’ll take that maybe I can give it to one of the girls…. Keep your enemies close”, “haha this will make the junkie slags jealous”
Guilt trip city, boys and girls.
By the time daughter came back in she was almost done, daughter saw mums bag but not mum and all she said was Grandma are you up in my room?
Mum gave her a very nasty “yes Pb(daughter), I am getting my belongings to take to where I live and I’m being watched so don’t worry your pretty little fucking head.”
That’s when she got a reaction, but only a little one. I very nicely told her that she wasn’t being accused of anything, Pb was simply asking a question, don’t take your shit out on her please. To which she came came back with “Oh but she normally does like to accuse me doesn’t she so how can you be sure that was such an innocent question”
No, she does not “like you accuse you”.
“Hmmm so she didn’t accuse me of taking yogurt from the fridge or eating all the cheese or not locking the door… Must have been some other little fucking princess I suppose “
That was it. She was trying to use things that had happened months ago and long since been resolved, and more importantly she was trying to use Pb as a weapon, catalyst actually might be more appropriate. So I told her that shit was months ago, and that there was no need to start arguments about it now. I picked up her stuff and carried it down the stairs. She had more to put in bags but could do it down there. My actions made that clear, she followed me down and dayghter came up.
In the next two minutes, Pb couldn’t locate her 3ds. Asked mentalmum if she’d moved it at all. .. The response was as venomous as it could have been. Before I could react Pb began yelling something like “well if I moved your stuff you would be going mad at me and swearing but all I have done is asked of you moved it” I told mental mum to not respond, she did anyway. I told Pb to go to her room and let me handle it, she was too busy yelling about the unfairness to listen to me… One was on the stairs one at the bottom.
Things were about to get really out of hand.
I screamed at Pb to get up the stairs, now I’m on the 3rd step up and she listened, thankfully. When I move fast people know shit’s serious. That caused panic in the living room too, my fast-moving. So even though I had said to everyone as I darted out “stay there, just let me sort it“… They were reluctant to. I came up to Pbs room and was trying to calm her down. … By now she’s saying “she’s got it I know she’s got it, I’ve looked everywhere” not quietly though and things were very close to getting very bad, I could hear mum somewhere down the stairs growling at herself about being so fucking sick of everyone calling her a liar and the next one to do I. …. something something neck. Break it I assume, who knows.
I was just trying to calm down an irate Pb, she’s the emotionally challenge teenager by the way who isn’t to blame for her inability to be rational. … Unlike off her face mother. Also, she’s my duty of care. I explained to her as calmly as I could that this was not the time to make that accusation, git her to think it through and realise what I was saying. Her dad, husband came in and found the 3ds…and mentalmum left all at the same time while I was doing that.
After that I came downstairs, reassured T that everything was fine the best I could because she didn’t really know what had just happened but the second I jumped up she was fully paying attention to the situation, this while looking a wreck myself.
In a bid to act normal I went to the kitchen to make food for T and I. Husband, daughter and Jl (husbands girlfriend) were all having take away, we were trying to be healthy though.
I opened the fridge, in the door I saw the quarter of a bottle of vodka I won in February at a bingo game. That was one of the things mum had tried to accuse daughter of having, months ago. I lifted it to see if she had drank any during this strange visit. … She hadn’t. But for reasons I still don’t feel I understand, I did. All of it. Just opened the bottle and poured it in. I didn’t expect to get as drunk as I did, or as quickly as I did. I clearly didn’t engage my brain my only thought on the subject was….. I didn’t want to check it every time she came into the house.
I don’t drink, not often and never heavily. I don’t remember the rest of the night as clearly as I usually remember things. T and I had some take away with the others, just chicken meat with our own salad we already had at home. I believe I had chips too. I spoke to P from the afternoons allotment visit on Skype. He seemed far less mortified by what happened earlier than I was. We went to bed very early…. T was sure I was going to be sick but somehow I avoided that.
Yesterday I woke up feeling. ….. Stupid. My head and mouth were made of wool but somehow my head weighed more than…something very heavy. It was a slow day, T had to go home at 3 in the afternoon…. We watched TV until then and I continued to watch it after. That’s all I wanted to do. By bedtime I was exhausted…. And that is why you hsce just been given the longest blog post ever.
Yesterday’s daily prompt was dramatic, that would do for a descriptive I think. And today’s is apology?, we won’t get one…. None of us and really that’s not what I want. I just want normality or if not that then…. A life less emotional and mentally unstable.